Herbie, you owe me.

In The End...

Check out the "Ode to the Nice Guys".

First off, congrats to Cushman on the start of his blog. Shameless promotion. Cush, I'd know you'd do the same for me (wink).

Shots and Thots

Today at work, one of the waiters, Sammy, said that he had to leave early to turn himself in to the police. He had like 2 g's in unpaid tickets and stuff and the cops had a warrant out for his arrest. I was like "Man what a bummer" and he said "Oh its cool, I'm gonna have a party once I get out". Lifestyles of the broke and stupid.

Tonight I was watching this special about how students in high school and college cheat and get away with it. It was pretty much the same stuff that we do from downloading term papers of the web, down to writing the answers on a rubber band and wearing it on your wrist during the test. Then they talked to this one kid who would write your papers for you. Give him a topic and he'd write it. He could even write a paper depending what kind of paper it was. Ex. Me, for instance, I'm a "C" student so the kid would write a "C" paper. He also takes test for people. It works in big classes in auditoriums where the teacher can't check all the students. And on top of it, this kid charged like $20+ per page on each paper. Now thats the kinda job I need. Talk about your "college job".
"Daddy, what kind of job did you have when you were in college?"
"Well son, I helped miserable failures pass classes that they had no business signing up for"

That's all I got for tonight.

Cheese it!!!

Hello there boys and girls. The time has come for us to face our fears.......

Today was one of those days when you feel depressed, but you don't know why.

I have learned my lesson: Always grat a table no matter what. "Gratting" a table is when we add gratuity to a table, 15% of the bill. Let me give you the scenario: Friday night, 10:00. I get sat with a party of 12 an hour before close. And to top it off, they're black. For those of you who dont work in the resturant business, black people aren't the tippers. But this group was different. There was a white lady in the group, and she tells me the she is going to take care of the bill. I'm thinking, "Sweet. Brandon James is gonna get paid tonight." So dinner comes and goes, and the bill comes out to be almost 3 bills. They pay the bill, I go back and check, and you know how much she left me? Not a penny. I hate people.

"You a China-man, ain't you?"
"Well, I am 1/16 Korean"
"I knew it!! You is a China-man"


Conformity, how I hate thee.

You know what I just realized? That I don't have any black people on my buddylist. Not one. I have every other minority except black.

I really don't feel like blogging right now, but I guess now that I've started, I've got to finish.

The best feeling in the world: getting recognized for something you've worked so hard on. Case in point (I don't even know what that means): the statuesque figure that is my body. I've been working out like crazy for the past 2-3 months. And it shows. My family, friends, co-workers, and even people I hardly even know are noticing my rock hard bod. There is this girl at work that feels up my abs everytime she sees me. I'm dead serious. Not that I'm complaining or anything........

I was looking through my senior yearbook, and I saw a picture of Nik Smith, and I swear I thought it was me.

Shout out to Bayan. I see ya, playboy.

420 is a "holiday" created by the card companies so that potheads would spend more money on cards than on weed.

Wow. Need to blog more often. I've been getting lazy.

Well, to start off with, I'm gonna rag on my Algebra teacher. Nick, I've someone who sweats more than you do. This guy probably sweats after peeling a banana. And not just light sweat. After about thirty minutes of class, this guy would have a nice glaze covering his face. The looks like he just finished running a marathon. And this is an everyday occurrence. Weird.

Man, I'm getting lazy. I have two class up at Tomball on Tuesday and Thursday nights. And I've reached the point where i use the handicap doors instead the regular doors. You have to hit the little red button for these handicap doors.....So last week I'm walking to class, and I go to hit the handicap button, and these two dogs round the corner the same time I do. And you know how those handicap doors stay open for like a good 10 seconds? Well, these dogs proceed to walk into the school. I go on to class. I come back an hour later, they've got dog catchers trying to catch these dogs. So I walked up to one of the guys to ask him a question. I said, "Hey dude, who let the dogs out?" (pause for laughter)

I was picking a scab tonight, and i thought, "Man, its been a while since I've had a good ole scab picking".

"Drug dealers don't sell drugs, drugs sell drugs! I've never heard a drug dealer say, 'How am I going to get rid of all this crack??'"

I was thinking the other about Fidel Castro. And he's really not a bad guy, besides the fact that he's a COMMUNIST!!!

Matt, I agree, there was too much color in Zion.

"Stankonia said that they were willing to drop Bombs over Bahgdad"

Remember how in drivers ed, they said to put your hands at 10 and 2? My question is, who still does that anymore? Because I know I don't. I drive at 12.

Shouts to my LSU, Tech, UT, A&M and "Texas State" peeps, y'all know who y'all are.

I am the American Dream?

Wow. Those are the only words that can describe the past week/weekend. The resturante was a ghost town the past weekend. No, literally, I think I saw a tumble weed roll down one of the isles once or twice. Here's a list of people that came in over the weekend:

-Meeray: Yeah I know I spelled her name wrong. She came in with her family.
-Luis: One of my many "south of the border" friends from high school. We also work'd at Krogers together. He's leaving for the Marines in a few.
-My aunt Darran: Man I hadn't seen her in a long time.
-The Pitcocks: They came in on Saturday, boozin' as usual.
-The Hamiltons: Man, what an oddball family. Matt, what is up with your hair? You might as well dye it black and start talking about hating the establishment.

You know what was a funny show? "Strangers with Candy" on Comedy Central. They showed a few episodes the other day, but they were re-runs. That was a funny show. If you've seen it, you'd agree.

Speaking of Comedy Central, whats up with Dave Chappelle? This whole Chappelle Show mania is out of hand. The "Im Rich James, bitch" thing was funny at first. Dont get me wrong, it still is funny, but its getting played out faster than a song by OutKast (big ups to Kast and everyone in the ATL). I was the guy at work who could do the best impression, and i still can. But now people are using their names instead. "I'm Rick James, bitch"=funny. "I'm Steve Detrich, bitch"? Not the least bit funny. I can say it because my last name is James. "Im Brandon James, bitch"=hilarious results. And thats not the only CS refrence out there. The whole Lil Jon thing is killing it. The "WHAT!! OK!!! YEAH!!" thing is out of control. At work in the kitchen, when someone says "Can you pass me a bottle of ketchup?" the most common answer you'' get is "WHAT!!! OK!!!" Its even on the radio. I was listening to 97.9 Da Boxx (local hip hop station if you didnt know) one night, and the night DJ was making jokes about his headphones. If you've seen the first season, then you know about Fistacuffs, the underground rapper from da streets. "Turn my headphones up. Im serious, nigga, turn them shits up. I cant hear out of my left headphone. What? Ya heard?" Next thing you know kids are gonna be shouting "I'm Wayne Brady, bitch!" What has the world come to?

I say the cutest thing the other day on my way to work (yeah I said cute). I was driving down Chapions Dr. and I saw these two boys, must have been no more than 10 or 11. And they had a lemonade stand set up in front of their house. So I thought that I'd do my good deed for the day and help these kids out. I whipped the Saturn around with a 180 thanks to the driving classes I've been taking (via Rockstar's Vice City) and went back. So i pull up and I see that they made their own little "Staff" shirts. I asked the kid who wasnt playing Gameboy how much a cup of lemonade cost. He tells me $.25. So I give hime a quarter and I recieve a styrofoam cup of pink lemonade. After my first sip, you could tell by the look on my face that they had made this themselves. They must've used the metric system to measure out the sugar because it tasted like a black person had made it (for those of you not of African-American decent, us color'd folk like a lot of sugar in our Kool-aid and tea). That was some good lemonade. And for only a quater? Those kids were losing money. Oh well...........

Have any of yall seen that show on MTV "I Want A Famous Face"? There was a dude on there that wanted to become a J.Lo look alike. And he had put but implants in his underwear so he could have a butt like hers. At that moment, I was glad i was black. Why? I dont know, but GO NIGGERS!!! We're #1

Hey Nick, remember the good ole days? Going to Fry's, listening to Daft Punk, playing Tony Hawk, and blowing stuff up? Man, what I would give for a 1984 DeLorian-turn-time machine right now.........my scrotum, that's what.

Smell ya later.

Long time, no blog.

Hey Jon, sorry about Sunday night. If I knew you put the glasses out there, I would have stole them instead of telling Brian. If only I had a time machine.......

Dude, yesterday I was opening the back door to let out our dog, and the bottom of the door swung and took out like half of my left big toe, seriously. There was like this big flap of skin and everytime I walked it was like "flappity flappity flap".

I don't know, but lately I've been thinking about joining the Army or Navy. And you know what, I think I'm gonna go through with it.

Hey Nick, you remember the time:
-When we made that crater in your backyard with the dry ice bomb?
-We found the "jumpy mud" back in the woods?
-We started that fire at Arron's house and the fire dept. had to come and put it out
-That same weekend, we found that boat by the pond, and you went out on the pond, and the boat had holes in the bottom of it?
-You almost killed us driving Karen's car?
-When we had to go and buy all that pineapple parafinalia for your drunk neighbors?
-That time we were playing Jarts at like 11 at night and you almost hit that little kid?

Good times, good times.

"I'm Wayne Brady, bitch!!"

Slow times at work.

Hey Sean, thanks for coming in Sunday. I really enjoyed waiting on yall. Hope like the crawfish and free dessert.

So last night at work, me and some of the other guys were standing around the lobster tank. And we were talking about how the kill the lobsters. And I start talking, going into all the detail, "Yeah, the chef's take a knife and cut of its head and then they scoop out its guts into the sink while its still alive". Then my friend Brian starts laughing.
"What?"
"This lady was standing right behind you the whole time, making these faces and stuff"
"The whole time?"
"Yeah"
"Aww man" Classic.

So.............

I am swolle

Homework must be abolished.

Hey Sean, guess what? As soon as you left, and I mean as soon as you left, I saw Jeff Brannigan walk into the kitchen. Weird.

Last night goes down as one of the worst days I had while working at Pappadeaux. I worked all day (a.k.a. working a double). The lunch wasn't that bad, but it could have been better. I only made about $25 for lunch. Then came the night shift. The clientele was there, but the money wasn't. It took one of my tables 15 minutes just to order 5 things: the special of the day (Stuffed Mahi Mahi), a Greek salad for one, a bowl of bisque, and the kid chicken strips. 15 friggin' minutes. Unbelievable.

Oh, oh. You know how at restaurants and bars, they have those big long handles for the beer on tap? Well, ours (at the restaurant) broke off on Friday night. It was from the Shiner Bock tap. Its really long and it has a ram's head at the end of it. So me and some of the manager's were joking around, and I said "You know what'd be cool? If I took this and made it into the shifter for my car." And they were all like, "Yeah, that'd be sweet". So time comes for us to close the restaurant, and I take the tap home. The next day Dan, the general manager asks me where the tap is, and I'm like,"Oh, its at home" like its no big deal. Turns out those things cost about $25-40, each. All I had to say was, "Well, I thought it was broken". Classic. I steal so much from that place.

God bless Dave Chappelle.


Renee: Here's to getting dirty, cheating on tests, and playing Grand Theft Auto until our fingers fall off!


"Merry Christmas to all, and to all, shut the hell up."

Tonight at work, I was waiting on a table, and they asked me what a crawfish was. Right then and there I knew they weren't from around these parts. Then they asked what gumbo was. I was thinking to myself "Where are these people from?". Turns out they're from Canada. Then I thought, "Canada! Now it all makes sense!!"

Im really tired.

"When you close your eyes, I hope I'm the man you see. Cuz if not, I want you to know, tonight I plan to be"

Smell yall chumps on the flip side.

Peter Griffin: I'll give you $40 for that coffin.
Store Owner: Sir, this casket is $1,000.
Peter Griffin: I'll give you $2,000.
Store Owner: Sir, that's double what it costs.
Peter Griffin: $60.
Brian Griffin: [to the store owner] He doesn't know how to haggle.

Not much to talk about.

I was watching a commercial for "Hellboy", and I noticed that Hellboy was going bald. Going bald=getting old. Do you want some old guy fighting to save our planet. I don't know about you but my answer is no.

"Kill Bill" comes out April 13. I am most definatly getting that movie. If yall have seen, go see it again. The crazyiest part was in like the first 5 minutes. Of course the first person to die was a black person (go figure).

I heart my Converse. Those are the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned. But it takes like 2 years to get them like that. What I like the most about them is how they got me through Senior english. My boy Ernesto would give me the answers to test and I would write them on my shoes. Oh, those were the good 'ole days.

I need to get on my soapbox:
One thing I really hate about waiting tables are the stupid people. Ex: When I go to a table and ask "Are you ready to order or do you need some more time?", most people say "Yes, we're ready to order". Then when I start to take orders, everyone is like, "Ummm, ummm, I don't know yet". Well, if you weren't ready, then why did you tell me you were? We could be here all day with stories of stupid people...

Nick


Hey thanks for putting a link to my blog in your blog, Sean. I'd do the same, but I dont know how, so.......go the site below, and tell 'em Brandon sent you.
Turquoise-Ramblings

Im out

"Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that"

Ive got a lot of stuff to talk about tonight. Here goes:

So I'm in my room, playing GTA 3, right? My dog Corbin is sitting on my bed. And I had to fart. It had been brewing up inside me for like the past half hour. So I fart and its really loud, and then Corbin starts barking at me. This all took place about an hour ago. Crazy, huh?

Dude, my belt buckle is the shizznit. For those of you who have seen it, yall know what I'm talking about. Its a great way to get people to look at your crotch. When I go to the mall or at school, you can see people's eyes look at you and then their eyes wander down to look at the buckle/crotch region. Finally, credit is given where credit is due. (I came with that all by myself)

You know what really sucks? Lately, I've lost saved games on my memory card, which really sucks cuz files took forever for me to get. Like in GTA 3, I had like $3 million saved up. All gone now. I had to start from scratch tonight. I guess that what I get for buying a crappy $14 memory card.

I've got to go to work tomorrow.

I was going to put a Family Guy quote right------------>here, but i cant find one, so just read the one I put in here earlier today.

I'm out, bitches.